The Trip To London

Into My Own

One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.
I should not be withheld but that some day
into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew--
Only more sure of all I though was true.

~Robert Frost

The day I was leaving for London, I felt as though I could hardly speak.  I felt a nervousness like none other I felt before.  But, there was no desire to turn back.  I knew what I had to do; I knew what I wanted to do.  When A dropped me off at the airport I made a remark to him that I felt that I felt like a lamb being led to slaughter!  It was actually pretty funny to say at the time.  I think I just felt that the life I knew up to that point would all be different after this journey. 

I had a lot to think about on the plane ride and a lot of time to do so.  There was a mixture of emotions.  I felt scared about what I would find but at the same time I was so excited!  I wondered if I would feel love towards the biological family and would it compare with love I felt for my adoptive family or the love I felt for A or the boys.  I was almost out of breath thinking about my initial reactions to meeting the London family.  What if I fainted from it all?

Overall I felt out of any comfort zone I could know.  I was on a plane, by myself, flying over an ocean to meet people I had never met before, along with a birth mother that I did know for my first two years.  Could I handle it all?  There was nothing to do but forge ahead and be excited about the discovery.